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 3-2-1 Warriors!

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EsterDXL
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PostSubject: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Thu Dec 05, 2013 7:50 pm

Warning: I am not a very good writer, but I enjoy doing it anyways. Enjoy.
Chapter 1: Crash Landings

Fidgel's POV
“Listen up penguins, Baron Von Cavitus has escaped and has been spotted in your sector. I need you boys to find him and bring him back in.” Admiral Strap boomed on the speaker. Ever since the crew learned that Bert Bertman and Cavitus were one in the same, Doctor Fidgel had been trying to find a way to trap the Baron that would not fail. Now this can be accomplished, so what’s the best way to capture your enemy? You corner them of course! The doctor found a wormhole not too long ago, and this wormhole leads to the Federation, according to his calculations.
As Fidgel thought about his plan, Captain Zidgel piped up, “You heard the Admiral, put your flipper to the pedal First Officer Midgel!” Midgel said as he flipped into his chair, “Aye aye Captain. Bonzai!”
A minute passed before the captain spoke. “So how are we going to capture Cavitus this time?” Fidgel saw this window of opportunity to finally exploit his secret. “Captain, I might just have the answer.” All eyes turned to Fidgel as he explained the wormhole plan. “And according to my calculations this wormhole will suck Cavitus to the Federation. Are there any questions?” The rest of the crew shook their heads. Fidgel bubbled with joy as he pushed one of his buttons that pulled up a map of the sector they were in and where the wormhole was unto the ship’s front screen. “So all we need to do is chase Cavitus until we’ve cornered him against the wormhole with no sign of escape.”


It doesn’t take long for the penguins to find Cavitus. All of a sudden, a robotic evil laugh boomed around them. Then, the front screen of the Rockhopper turned on to show a metal man laughing. The penguins exclaimed, “Cavitus!” Then, Zidgel jumped out of his chair. Cavitus said, “Greetings, my feathered foes. Is there a problem?”
“Yes Cavitus. We’re taking you back to prison!” the captain replied boldly, “So come quietly and quickly.” Cavitus laughed, “Ha! I hardly think so. Come and get me, penguins!” Then, Cavitus’ ship sped off, rattling the Rockhopper. “Midgel, crank on his tail and hurry!” The Rockhopper zoomed off, trailing behind Cavitus. Excellent, everything is going as planned! Fidgel thought and he gave the signal to trap Cavitus as the wormhole come into view. This wormhole looked different than all the other wormholes the doctor has ever seen.
“Uh, doctor, is the wormhole supposed to look like that?” Midgel asked as he backed the Baron against the wormhole. There was definitely something wrong here, when Fidgel first found the wormhole it looked like any other wormhole. It appeared that something had disturbed it, or it wouldn’t look like a black window of destruction. Fidgel answered nervously, “I don’t think so. We can only hope that the wormhole will take the Baron to the Federation.”
Just then, the ship shook violently as Cavitus’ ship rammed into the Rockhopper. “Buckle up everyone; we’re going for a rough ride!” Midgel shouted as he stomped on the gas pedal, giving chase to the fleeing villain. The closer the penguins got to the wormhole, things started to happed quickly. The swirling funnel started to electrify and thunder, the ship shakes to where it appeared that there’s two of everything, and then it happened.



No one's POV
Just as the penguins were going through the wormhole, Cavitus turned around and zipped out of the wormhole. Then, the wormhole closed and the Rockhopper’s engine died. The whole ship flew into chaos; the lights went out, all the alarms were sounded and the ship itself took a death dive into the belly of the wormhole. What happened next can not explained; after a minute or so of screaming, the U.F.P.S Rockhopper crashed, and that is the last thing the penguin crew heard before they woke up.
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Scythe312
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Thu Dec 05, 2013 11:59 pm

You may want to learn to learn better dialogue. The writing isn't really bad, but indentation will be necessary. Plus, in someone's "P.O.V." they are the narrator.
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katrinahood
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:29 am

So far, it isn't so bad. However, when a new character speaks, you need to start a new paragraph. And I'll point out what Scythe312 pointed out, if it's Fidgel's "P.O.V" he is the narrator. E.G. "I had been trying to find a way to trap the Baron."
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 3:08 pm

Okay, to set things straight, none of this is in first person POV. As for my paragraphing, I can't help it, no one has exactly taught me how to write a legitimate paragraph. One more thing, I apologize for screwing up on the characters' personalities, I'm trying, okay.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:26 pm

Okay, then why did it says "Fidgel's P.O.V." at the beggining?

For paragraphs: just enter and tab each time a new person begins speaking and also indent when a paragraph goes on for too long or changes complete topic of incident.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:31 pm

Because I thought it might help tell people who's experiencing what, and there is no first person point of view in any warrior book I've read. I should've made a side note about that.

I tried indenting last night, but I couldn't for some reason.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:33 pm

Side-note. It won't help at all. It will just make people confused.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:35 pm

Well, the subject has been made hopefully clear, so just wait for me to bring up chapter 2.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:41 pm

Alright. I'll see how it looks.
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:23 pm

Chapter 2: Strange Awakenings

Zidgel's POV
“He sure is a handsome one.” A female voice said. Another one replied, “Yes, and quite strong looking.” Captain Zidgel doesn’t remember what happened after the crash landing. The last thing he remembered is the crew, and himself, screaming for their lives. Wait, where is my crew?! He thought more importantly, how do I look?!
Zidgel opened his eyes and sat up in attention. He was in a nest of moss with brambles surrounding him, and across the nest were two giant she-cats! One, was dark gray and black with electrifying blue eyes, and the other was pinkish/ pale gray with a long tail and sparkling blue eyes. He tried to stand up, but fell forward, throwing his flippers in front of him to break his fall. Then, Zidgel realized, that these were not his flippers, but instead they were two brown fuzzy paws! The captain sat down to examine the rest of his new self. His feet were pale ginger, along with his underbelly. His chest was dark ginger with a black and white symbol that resembled the chest plate on his suit. His shoulders, neck line, and ring around his middle were brown.
Then, Zidgel stepped on something with his forepaw; his tail, his ginger fuzzy tail! He noticed a small puddle near the entrance, and he walked over to it and bent his head down. His muzzle was a pale ginger, the front of his neck was pure white, and the rest of his head was of course, black. He had vibrant green eyes, and the one thing that kept him from fainting; his hair! Wait, if I’m covered in fur, have pointy ears, and a fuzzy tail…Zidgel thought, finally putting the pieces together…then I’m a cat!
He turned back to the she-cats watching him with curious eyes. The, one of them said, “Welcome to ThunderClan, Ebonykit.”


Midgel's POV
Captain, go back to bed. First Officer Midgel thought as he tried to sleep. Then, a female voice said, “Leave him alone, Lizardkit.” A high pitched, male voice complained, “But he’s been asleep all day and I want to play.” Have I really been asleep all day? Midgel opened his eyes to a blue gray kit. Midgel tried to stand up, but somehow fell unto his back his back and the kit loomed over him. “It’s about time you woke up!” the kit said. The officer sat up, getting a look at his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be a den with, he guessed was, Lizardkit, and two large she-cats. One was blue gray with haunting green eyes and one black tabby with light green eyes, but where was the rest of the crew?
Midgel tried again to stand up, but fell forward into a puddle. As he hauled himself up, he looked down and gasped. Paws! Four paws that resembled his flippers and webbed feet, actually there was more to the change. He looked back into the puddle, and saw that he was a cat! What was strange is that besides the cat features, he still basically looked the same.
A voice interrupted Midgel’s thoughts, “Is something wrong, Bonsaikit? You look a little shaken.” Midgel turned to the she-cat who spoke. “Yeah, it was just a nightmare.”


Kevin's POV
Fish! “I told you he wasn’t dead!” a shrill voice said. Then, another countered, “How can anybody tell, he sleeps so much.” Kevin opened his eyes to a pair of kits standing over him. “Hi Rockkit, how are you?” one kit, a she-kit, asked as Kevin sat up and stifled a yawn. “Hello.” Kevin said.
The other kit, a tom, sat down beside the she-kit and introduced them. “I’m Shellkit and this is my sister, Mistykit. Welcome to RiverClan!” Kevin noticed that they were all in a nest of reeds, but he didn’t see Zidgel, Fidgel, or Midgel. As Kevin looked around him for the others, he saw he had a cat tail. Not just a cat tail, but his whole body was a cat body. “It looks like he’s finally awake.” Kevin spun around to three she-cats; one light brown-blue with a black eye spot on her right eye, another one was white with huge paws and sky blue eyes, the last one was a beautiful long-furred golden tabby with gold eyes like gold pools.
The gold tabby she-cat said eyeing Kevin with interest, “He looks like promising medicine cat.”


Fidgel's POV
Someone whispered, “Are you sure he’s your brother, Echokit and Ivykit?” Doctor Fidgel didn’t need to look at himself to know he was a cat, all he needed for a tip off was the tail and pointy ears. He pretended to be asleep while he was surrounded by four kits until they left him alone. There was one kit that was a tom, Rabbitkit, and his sister, Dovekit, and Fidgel’s ‘sisters’, Echokit and Ivykit.
A paw poked him in the side as
Echokit whispered. “Nightkit, wake up, Brightstar wants to meet you.” Fidgel wondered, Brightstar? He opened his eyes to find Echokit crouched in front of him. She was black and white with frosty sky blue eyes. Wait; sky blue…I’m not color blind! Fidgel sat up and took note of his surroundings.
The doctor was in den with the other kits and three older she-cats. Rabbitkit was a gray and brown mix with brown eyes, Dovekit was musky gray with green eyes, and Ivykit was black with green eyes. As for the three she-cats; one was a silky white with deep green eyes, another was white and gold with amber eyes, and the last one was bright ginger with even brighter sky blue eyes.
Then, something dawned on Fidgel: Where is the Captain…Midgel and Kevin. Oh my, where did I go wrong? The bright she-cat asked him, “Well Nightkit, how are you doing?” Fidgel thought for a moment the replied, “Lost.”
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:27 pm

Sorry for no indention in any of the paragraphs. I already got chapter 3 done today so I'm going to go ahead and put it up.

Chapter 3: Mystery Talk

Berrystorm’s POV
It’s been three moons since Ebonykit’s birth, and tonight Berrystorm is going to share his suspicions about the kit. From the moment he laid eyes on Ebonykit, Berrystorm knew that the little tom was different. The strange pelt, the way he acted around his Clanmates, and especially those eyes. Once, when Berrystorm went to go check up on Ebonykit the day after he opened his eyes, the kit’s glowing green eyes pierced into Berrystorm’s soul, flooding him with more stars than in Silverpelt.
Then, a voice called out to the ThunderClan medicine cat. “Berrystorm, may I have a moment before you meet with the other medicine cats?” Berrystorm called out, “Yeah, come in.” The deputy of ThunderClan pushed her way through the bramble screen of the medicine cat’s den. Berrytorm asked shyly, “What can I do for you Cinderdawn?” Cinderdawn said, “I wish you luck that StarClan will send you a dream.” Berrystorm nodded because ThenuderClan needed a sign. “Well I guess I’d better get going, see you tomorrow.” Berrystorm said as he left for the Moonpool.
As Berrystorm waited on the border of ThunderClan and WindClan for the other medicine cats, he gazed over the lake. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Berrystorm, turned to his left where Webpelt, WindClan’s medicine cat, sat with her tail wrapped around her paws. Berrystorm replied, “Yeah. Hey Webpelt, where are Silverfeather and Moonwish? I want to share something before we go to Moonpool.” Webpelt said, “I don’t know, but I have something to tell too.”
“What is it Webpelt? This’d better be good, because we’ve also got something to admit.”
Moonwish, RiverClan’s medicine cat, and Silverfeather, ShadowClan’s medicine cat, padded towards the ThunderClan and WindClan medicine cats. Webpelt sighed, “It’s Milkflower’s tom kit, there’s something strange about him.” Berrystorm mewed, “I think the same thing about Ebonykit.”
“It’s exactly the same thing with Bonsaikit.” Silverfeather added. Moonwish commented, “Rockkit is certainly not like any kit I’ve seen.”
The four cats stared at each other for a second and then, Silverfeather mewed slowly. “You don’t think they could be in a probphecy?” Berrystorm replied, “That would explain a lot. From what we’ve told about them at Gatherings, those four little kits might just be part of a great prophecy.”
Note: Everything in chapter 3 that makes no sense to y'al are going to be on the warrior cat topic
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PostSubject: Re: 3-2-1 Warriors!   Mon Jan 13, 2014 8:43 pm

are u ever going to publish this on ffnet
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